Me: Erg, bleruh, wha tm isit?
Gabe: It isn't 7 zero yet, but MUMMY there are ants everywhere!
Gabe: In the kitchen and in the bathroom and up the hallway.
Me: Uhgfnf. Alright.
Gabe: I'll check on them!
He scampers away like a happy, happy little bearer of bad news.He scampers back.
Gabe: Yep still there!
Me: I'm coming.
Gabe: Your clothes aren't on.
Me: They are almost on!
|Hi-ho! I'm in your kitchen!|
Frank popped out of the hole in the bathroom and wandered across the floor.
|Frank finds the food!|
They marched at dawn. Or possibly anytime after 11.30pm.
I marched at fairly close to 7am.
We met at "the crossing" - the most vulnerable point in their highway of ants. I stood with a bottle of Raid and they ignored me and loaded themselves up with the fruits of the bin. I contemplated their industry for a moment and then I struck. I took them down, I blasted them across the floor, I soaked them and drowned them and when I thought that I couldn't stand the killing anymore I would see another fucking ant and keep going!
The sweat dripped from my brow as I staggered into the bathroom, following the trail to their dreaded egress. Gabe was hot on my heels peppering me with questions, like bullets for my ears.
- Why are you doing that?
- Are they dead?
- What is that?
- Can I do it?
- Does it kill them?
- Why do you have it?
Then I sat on the toilet and looked at all those bodies. It was like a scene out of one of those movies where there are a lot of bodies. I felt so far away, so high up above, they all just looked like ants to me.
Me: (Clipped British accent) Well, we gave them what for eh? We did our best and you can't do better eh? Gerry was sorry that he got up this morning and trekked into my recycling bin. We sent him home with his tail between his legs. How about a game of rugger?
As it was Gabe asked for breakfast and the cat meowed at me like ninety million times and I berated him for not eating all the ants and he explained that he was a cat and not an ANTEATER and if I had wanted a anteater I should have gone to the Lost Anteaters Home! And we both sat in opposite corners and licked our backs.
|I eat ants and purr!|